Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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