I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
