Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
