what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
