The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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