what day is it and did you see me today?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
