My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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