It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
