I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
