I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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