I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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