capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
