Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
