I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
last night I used snow as a chaser
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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