if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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