What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
