What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
