do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
