eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
