I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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