i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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