I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
