Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
