you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
