the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
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Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
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I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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