3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
