i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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