oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
