he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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