What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
