He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
