I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
