There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize