Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
