Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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