If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
