Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
