I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Operation Purity has been aborted
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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