I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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