Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
