The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You took a bar mat shot.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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