He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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