Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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