There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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