Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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