matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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