I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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