I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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