Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
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My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
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My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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