a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
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