so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
