she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
