I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
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I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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