Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
