how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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