Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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