You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
