fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
