I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
