remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
