There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
