I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
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i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
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When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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