It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
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He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
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You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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