this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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