Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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