Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She announced her abortion via fbk
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
