A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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