I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize