There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
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He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize