she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
areolas are like halos for boobs.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
