I got chris browned last night
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You ate ashes out of my bong
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
