is your mom at the bar?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
