Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
