she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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