So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i used baking grease as lip gloss
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
