He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
