Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize