wakey wakey hands off snakey
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
