My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
