they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
