I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
