don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
