also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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