My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Do vagina's smell?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
