pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
