Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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