I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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