I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
