Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
